siena dictates for cat named pig

Over the weekend, we were discussing the bat that had probably found its way into our bedroom walls. Laura wanted me to take a look at the chimney, as that is probably where the little bugger got in.

Laura: Can you get up on the roof today to check it out?
Matt: Sure, but I think it’s because we need a new chimney cap.
Laura: Is that easy?
Matt: I think so. I think we can just buy a new cap to put over it. We should maybe look at just covering the whole thing up, since we don’t need it anymore. The water heater vents out the wall in the basement.
Siena: (quite worried) You mean to cover it so Santa can’t come down anymore? What about Christmas?
Matt/Laura: (stammering) Uhh, no…he, ummm…he’ll be able to get in. Who’s ready for dinner?

We almost destroyed our little girl’s hopes and wishes for the Christmas season even before Halloween.

I’ve mentioned before that the kids are absolutely in love with this song, the theme from the first few seasons of Weeds. They both request it as a bedtime song from time to time, so tonight I was singing it to Siena. She stopped me towards the end to ask what a lawyer was.

“Um, well, that’s what Grandpa Tom does for a job. He’s a lawyer who helps people.” [My dad is a public defender.] “He makes sure that people get treated fairly if they’ve been arrested for something.”

“And he makes sure the police give them enough to eat and drink while they’re in jail?”

“Well, yeah, that wouldn’t be fair at all if they didn’t get enough to eat and drink. And sometimes the wrong person is arrested, so Grandpa Tom helps people get a fair trial so they don’t go to jail for something they didn’t do.”

“Yeah, he makes sure the police only arrest the bad guys. The ones wearing masks.”

In the car, we heard some guys talking about the tornado that touched down in a town west of the Twin Cities, leading to this exchange:

Man on radio: People on the ground say a tornado touched down in Spicer not that long ago.
Siena: Spicy? A tornado?
Matt: Spicer. It’s near where our friends were married a few years ago.
Siena: But why would it be a Spicer tornado?
Siena: The tornado wasn’t spicy, sweety. That’s where it touched ground.
Siena: Oh. (and then whispering, as she looks out the window, as she realizes her mistake) Spicy tornado…

Of course, Elliot then had to chime in with “Spicy? Spicy? Todando?” The next three minutes explaining it to a two-year-old were great.

Siena had to suffer and watch with me the Republican National Convention in St. Paul. There were endless interviews with delegates, one of which caught her attention:

How come she’s a girl with a boy’s voice? – about a Texas delegate being interviewed on Public TV before McCain’s speech.

I had no answer. And this, after she and Elliot were playing, unsuccessfully, with blocks, and I had announced that it was his bedtime:

Now I don’t have to worry about knock-over boy.

I was driving in the car last Thursday with both Siena and Elliot in their seats.

Siena: Daddy, do you know how to play the game Not a Carrot?
Matt: No, sweety, how do you?
Siena: It’s when you’re next to a boy who’s one or zero, and you put your finger up to his mouth and if he tries to bite it, you say, “That’s not a carrot.”
Matt: I hope he never gets the carrot.
Siena: No, the finger.
Matt: Of course.

Also, Siena was on fire this past Saturday afternoon.

We were flipping channels, watching different sports on tv. We saw Tiger Woods in an ad for golf.

Siena: Is Tiger Woods playing?
Matt: No. Tiger hurt his knee. He plays next year.
Siena: What happened to his knee?
Matt: In your body, besides bone, you have ligaments that stretch and bend and hold things together. Tiger hurt a ligament in his knee, had to have surgery and needs to rest until next year.
Siena: Daddy, Barbie’s grandma was playing and she broke her knee.
Matt: Oh, that’s too bad.
Siena: Yeah, it was.

These next few rolled off her tongue in about a 10-minute stretch.

Daddy, wouldn’t it be funny if I was older than you and you weren’t going to be older than me? Wouldn’t it be funny if there was a door on the way to upstairs and we had to open it? Barbie’s at school right now, and she has a teacher named Sam. Sam is a really good teacher. She, Barbie, always makes pretty pictures for me at school.

Daddy, one time I took Barbie to a game, a Puma game, and they only handed out balls that grownups and kids could have. Siena has been to a MN Lynx basketball game with her friend, Avery. Lynx and puma are related, right? Continuing:

Siena: Daddy, sometimes I have to not feel happy for Barbie?
Matt: Why?
Siena: Because when she was napping, I heard her saying and doing some bad things to her little sister. And I couldn’t even go in her room to do anything, because I didn’t have time. I only heard her little sister.

Siena was excited for her sleepover at Laura’s mom’s house Saturday night.
Siena: It’s been a long time since I’ve had a sleepover at grandma’s house.
Matt: I know. It’s been a few months.
Siena: Daddy, what if every these days, I have a sleepover at grandma’s?
Matt: These days?
Siena: Yep.
Matt: I’ll look at the calendar.

And finally…after she came out of the bathroom.
Siena: Daddy, did you know I had a snake poop this time?
Matt: What is that, Siena?
Siena: It’s when it is really long. It was this big…and this big…and this wide (as she makes her arms even wider and wider).
Matt: I think I hear Elliot awake.

I’m glad I answered yes to the following question at 8:08pm:

Siena: Daddy, are you going to let me stay up a little bit longer?
I answered, “Yes,” and this is what followed:
Siena: Well, ok. Hmmm…are you still hungry daddy? In my restaurant, you can have an ice cream cookie sandwich, pizza with soup, hamburger without meat, peanut butter sandwich, banana peanut butter and jelly sandwich or just some veggies, and I think that’s it. Would you like some pizza with soup?
Matt: Yes, all of the above.

I think we’ll turn it into a 24-hour joint.

At 8:01 am on Friday morning:

Siena: Daddy, do you think mama is noctournal…and that she sleeps during the day?

Probably needless to tell you that Laura was still in bed.

Matt: Siena, did you have fun today?
Siena: Daddy, you and mama have different names.
Matt: I know. What are our names?
Siena: You are Boy Drosselmeyer and mama is Girl Drosselmeyer.
Matt: Oh. Well those are different.

At lunchtime the other day:

Siena: Mama, what’s Elliot having for lunch?
Laura: He’s having split pea soup.

Siena: He’s having SPIT PEE POOP?!?

Laura (in her head): Yes, that’s exactly what he’s having. And you have to change the next diaper.

After Matt returns from playing basketball, a real game, for the first time in almost 2 years:

Siena: Hi, Daddy. I need a hug. (She was going to bed.)
Matt: Hi, sweety. You should be sleeping. It’s almost 9 o’clock.
Siena: Daddy, did you win your basketball game?
Matt: We did, sweety. Goodnight.
Siena: Did you score some 3 points or 5 points?
Matt: Yes, sweety, I scored some 3-point shots and we won by 8 points.
Siena (in her most shocked, surprised voice): I can’t even believe that you won your game.
Matt: I know, sweety, I know. I’ll tell you about it in the morning.
At this point, I walked out thinking, “I can’t even believe I played in a game and lived to tell about it.”